Throughout my life, thus far, I have been through many seasons of loneliness.
Moving to Indonesia at 8 years old and continuing to move every year or so for the next 10 years of my life would create what seemed like a never-ending loneliness. Constantly preparing myself for the next goodbye, most of which, meant I would never see those people again.
(I am not complaining. I absolutely loved my childhood. I loved growing up in Indonesia and the adventure. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. This is just a piece of what came with it.)
My parents and my brothers were the only constant people in my life – or that’s at least how it seemed to me back then.
At 18 years old, I left for college in Missouri as my parents and brothers moved back to Indonesia. This version of separation felt even worse than any I had felt before. As if my whole heart was empty.
Fast-forward to 2016 as I graduated and got married to the love of my life. The loneliness seemed to linger which is not what I expected of marriage. In my mind, this was a cure of loneliness forever.
The Lord began working rigorously on my heart. Through a lot of different circumstances – I found myself in a season where I was the most unlovable I had ever been. Dealing with depression, anxiety, feeling worthless, insecure, and begging for it all to end. Feelings that I thought at the time would haunt me the rest of my life. But that’s not my story.
He placed people in my life that fought for me and prayed for me at my worst. He began speaking to me through random people. Through people who still don’t even know the impact that their words had on my spirit. Through people I will honestly never be able to repay.
Now – nearly 4 years into marriage, living in one city for the past 7 years, and having a beautiful baby girl. Now – knowing who I am and working towards being a person who loves people through everything. I have entered into a season that fills my heart nearly more than I can bare. I never imagined this type of freedom could exist for me or that I could ever deserve to feel this loved.
I know it will continue to change and develop into something else that I can’t imagine at this point in my life. But for now, this is my story. And I have so many people to thank for it.
I tell you all of this…
To encourage you that even in the most hopeless times – know this is just a season. Something so much better is to come that you can’t even imagine now. Trust God.
And so you never underestimate the power your words, prayers, and love have on the people in your life. You’ll probably never truly know the impact you’ve had on others – so be kind, overly gracious, and fight for those who need it. Bob Goff says it best, “Simply put: love does.”